How to measure ourselves: part 1

We do this.  We measure ourselves.  Existing in a world that promotes success in so many different shapes and forms, our unit of measure is not fixed.  There’s no equation, no text book to know the measure of a man and so we can lose ourselves in this process if we don’t tread carefully.  

It’s not wrong though, it’s so very human to want to know our worth and whether the lives we are living measure up.  But let’s do it right.  I’ve not always done it right, that’s for sure.  And in this blog post I offer only some lessons that I have learnt through a process of discovery as to how to measure myself in a healthy way.  I want to measure myself in a way that leaves me inspired by my progress and hopeful of my potential.

I have two don’ts and two dos and will be expanding on these in a two part blog post.  Read on for the don’ts and check back again tomorrow for the dos.

Don’t measure yourself against others

The trap that we have all fallen into.  “Comparison is the thief of joy” – we have all heard it said.  And so it’s tragic that we would dare compare ourselves to others in an attempt to measure our joy.  It is joy that we all desire after all right?  Whether it’s a bank account, a career, a family or a body shape that we are measuring, we are surely seeking a number that will define our joy.  A number that will define a happy life, a life worth living.  When we compare our lives to the happy lives of other people, we make some big mistakes.

We look at their happy and we subtract our happy.  We look at their now and consider our now.   We look at their best and we hold it up against our worst.

We are left feeling less and forget to imagine that happy and best is possible for us too.  We distort our perspective of our now by applying a unit of measure that is meant for something else, somebody else.  Distracted by our unfounded measurements, we spend more time relooking and recalculating than inwardly searching for something to make our own.  It’s okay to look upon the happy of other’s, but let’s choose to celebrate their good, their breakthroughs and achievements.  If it can happen for them, it can happen for us.  When we dream, when we hope and when we remain resolute that we already own the potential for the joy we long for, we will be able to do this.  We will overcome jealous feelings and replace them with expectancy for our own breakthrough.  And perhaps, a hopeful expectancy is a good measure of the joy that we already own.

Don’t measure yourself using unfounded expectations and beliefs

Because you will surely be disappointed.  What beliefs determine your measure of joy and where did they come from?   We need to ask ourselves these questions before we begin measuring.  It’s a dangerous game to play when we start to set goals based on our unfounded notions of success.  We set a date to be married by, have children by, own a house or be debt free by.  When the date comes and goes we cannot bear the disappointment.  

We forget to consider where our expectations came from and whether they are founded in any real truth.  This does not matter, what matters is the way we feel when we don’t have what we expected.  We measure this feeling and find our lives wanting.  We feel that life has not been fair to us because we expected something else.  I could say it like this too – we can end up feeling like God has been unfair to us because we expected something else.  As a Christian, this is my experience.  I believe in God as the author of my existence and so my disappointments seem wrapped up in my relationship with Him.  I ask, why am I still here?  Where is my breakthrough?  Why do I measure my life in You and find lack?

And it would seem that the answer is simply that I heard His promises but then I set the measures.  I wanted the breakthrough and so I created a way to measure when it should and would come.  I missed out on the opportunity to fully surrender and rest in the peace that comes with faith in His timing.  In my moments of disappointment I remind myself that my expectations are mine alone.  I created them and I can undo them.  If they do nothing but cause me to dwell in my disappointment, then they are not the thing to measure my life by.  They never were, and if I can determine this truth I can be free to expand my belief in what is possible.  

I look forward to sharing two ways that we should measure ourselves in the second part of this post tomorrow.  Before I end off though, here are some words on measuring written by one of my dearest friends and one of the best people that I know.  Today is the sixth anniversary of the day her brother, Aaron left this earth for eternal life beyond the confines of our measures.  Aaron was also my very first friend in this world and I can agree wholeheartedly with her testimony of the measure of his life.

“Perhaps life span and living are two entirely different measures.
Maybe most of us burn living and life span at a similar pace.
Maybe some people have a long lifespan and die with a lot of living unused.
Maybe you burnt through through living like a wick to dynamite, with a lot of lifespan to spare…”